Camp Michael
by meupclose
Summary: Pre-Destiel; Cas!story. mute!Cas; After a tragic accident resulting in his fathers death Castiel finds himself at Camp Michael, a home to help children heal from trauma. Castiel fights his terrible memories of his past when he meets Dean and forms an instant friendship with him. As the hours pass, reality and memory blend, leaving his new friend holding his life in his hands. R/R!
1. Part 1

He is consistently everyone's favorite. No matter what they came in for they always find their way into his small space, as if, his simple presence could bring them some sort of peace to their condition. Even the staff are enamored by his soft shy smile and you would often see them sneaking small treats for the messy brown haired boy with the all to bright blue eyes.

"Castiel?" The round faced, currently blonde nurse calls into his room. She is his favorite caretaker out of his three years here and wakes him up the same way every morning. A soft call of his name, and she plays along with his fake sleeping by tickling him or covering his face with the blankets. It made his day that more bearable waking up with a laugh on his tongue even if he couldn't hear it any longer. She believes one day he will just laugh out loud without thinking about it and it did give him hope that maybe he would speak again someday. He chances to sneak a peek at her position but her pretty face is an inch from his as if she moved through the room in a puff of smoke.

"Boo!" Her smile is upon him and Castiel can't go on the defense before the attack of fingers grab at his sides. Even at 15 years old he can't help but love this special treatment from Nurse Meg.

"Wake up goofball! We have a new patient coming in today." Meg's laughs fills the room and Castiel sits up to twirl a finger around her blonde strand.

"Hey, come on, you know I like to switch it around." She says in what she calls her 'seductive voice' and sways her hips, flips her hair over her shoulder, all while walking towards the door. Castiel rolls his eyes as dramatic as possible and it has the desired effect when it brings an explosive laugh out of the nurse. She shakes her head in amusement as she retreats to wake the rest of the house. Meg is their only nurse on staff here at the moment so she has her own room on the lower level. No one has been in there but he can imagine the walls covered in rock and roll posters and lots of purple. Every other month she wore her hair a different way. Castiel liked the rough edge about her and it helped keep the rest of the 'family' in line.

He sits up on the bed and stares out the large window. He had the best room in the house in his opinion. Bright sunshine pools through the window every morning creating big squares of light on his bed. He fingers the green blanket in his lap watching the shadows play across his legs. The view overlooks the backyard of the house. Large in scale so all the patients, well, his siblings, could have space to be themselves. Bright green grass covers the expanse of small hills. An old playground set rests on the very top crown of the largest hill on the left. Three swings are usually filled by late afternoon and a tall plastic slide they were all too old for sits abandoned on the right. The sun peeks at the edge of the bright white wall surrounding the enormous home.

"To keep the bad guys out." Meg had explained to him when he first arrived and saw the strange symbols drawn across the wall in chalk. A scrawny yet tall, twelve at the time, British boy with unruly blonde hair covers the white surface in ancient looking symbols everyday. His mental condition made him think demons and evil angels were out to get him. His art was what helped him stay calm so they let him do it. They didn't hang out much but Castiel didn't mind. The big willow tree was his favorite spot of the yard though. It's long swaying branches kiss the ground in the right spaces and when he wants quiet its his retreat. Everyone made a point to be around him but he truly liked to be alone.

Castiel slides out of bed and grabs a pair of dark jeans along with his favorite black button down from the dresser. His body was hitting a growth spurt at the moment and Michael joked he will be over six feet tall by 16 if he kept eating his veggies. He loved running so his legs were strong and complimented his lean upper body. His father use to be a cop and had shown him how to fight with a knife in case he was in danger. To date he still trains late at night in the gym to keep himself healthy. Being mute doesn't help with his anxieties when it comes to being in danger. He might not be able to scream but he will fight to the death if he needs to.

He was made fun of in the beginning for always wanting to dress up. He hated it the most because he couldn't defend himself and they just couldn't understand why he had to. It took some time, but once they realized the effect he had on new patients they turned their teasing elsewhere. His fathers blue tie rests on a hook by the wall and it brings him to a pause mid buttoning. His hand reaches out and pulls it down softly. Finger caress the fabric as he walks half dressed and barefoot back to the window.

He misses his father terribly. The accident was just that, but it doesn't lessen the pain of losing him forever. He was all he had and now he will forever be trapped in this large house filled with people just like him, all trying to move on with their life and deal with loss. Castiel rests the tie on the window sill and bows down to pray for a good day. For strength to make it another day. To give him a sign that he is meant to remain here and not be in heaven with his father and mother.

Mornings are always the same in Camp Michael, well, that was what Castiel thought of this place as. It was a massive white mansion in the middle of nowhere, bought by a Doctor on a mission to save children in need of a safe place to live. All the kids here needed help in different ways and many found comfort in living in a safe environment while dealing with their problems. This was Castiel's third year here. He arrived at the age of 12 fresh from the hospital when they learned he was mute. His fathers death on his mind and no way to communicate it other than through writing caused many emotional problems for him. He is thankful Michael took him in that day. Castiel most likely wouldn't be around anymore if he hadn't.

He finished getting dressed and walks towards the cherry wood grand staircase. Beautiful high ceilings come into view adorned with a bright crystal chandelier. Enormous golden framed pictures of Angels smile brightly at him as he descends. Michael had a special interest in bringing kids into his home that had names of Angels, saying "God has a plan for you and I am here to make sure you continue with his plan." Castiel didn't even know he had the Angel of Thursday's name until Michael showed him the beautiful painting in the downstairs hall.

He pauses at it now, fingers slightly shaking as he touches the Angels hand gripping the Righteous Man from hell. Michael had said that was why everyone liked him, because he saves everyone, even put a mortal soul above himself. The Angel of Thursday was a good soldier but more then that, a good friend. With that on his mind he makes his way to the dining room. The noise of breakfast can be heard ahead, however, one voice is louder than all the others.

"Cassy! Hey!" The loud blonde boy shouts from his spot at the table. "Benny made pancakes!"

Castiel shakes his head while he walks towards Gabriel. They were the closest friends here and arrived nearly at the same time. Gabriel had stated right away that he could be loud enough for the both of them since Castiel couldn't speak anymore. That was pretty much how they became friends. He slides into the seat and automatically passes the syrup towards his friend. Gabriel could eat sugar all day and never gain a pound. Michael even had all these tests done on him with no results.

"A medical mystery spot that one is," Michael had stated one day. The syrup soaks through his four pancakes and Gabriel pours some on Castiel's to before passing it along. Breakfast was the only meal of the day Michael required attendance. He thought it set the entire mood of the day being together as a family and because of classes and treatments it was always harder to round up the five of them at a specific time for lunch or dinner.

The dinning room is home-base in a way. Many of his siblings work on school work here since they were all home schooled and close in age it was easier to make use of the large table. When ever you were looking for Michael this was the room to check first. Tucked in the corner is a massive bookcase filled to the brim with books. Two comfortable sage green chairs rest on either side of it which is where Michael ends his day absorbed in a story. Castiel thinks its the shear size of the room that makes it so comfortable to his family. The dark cherry wood from the staircase continues into the room and contrasts with the massive oak plank table. The walls are painted a soft cream yellow and decorated in six different types of molding to give it an Southern Estate charm. Light pools in from the four windows that over look the side garden of the house. Benny, their chef, grows all their vegetables and herbs, and even tends to a beautiful rose garden in Michael's late brother, Lucifer's, honor.

Castiel cuts his pancakes into perfect rectangles. His brothers and sisters, as he looks at them now, are all cheerful today. It must be because they have a new patient, no, a new brother coming to live with them. Kids came and went here after they felt better, or were adopted, or turned 18, like Uriel did, and left on their own. He missed Uriel. Whenever he was sad Uriel could always make him laugh. Castiel's naming of Camp Michael was the only thing he ever did that made Uriel roll on the floor laughing. Which in turn, resulted in referring to himself as the "funniest Angel in the Garrison" whenever he could. He did miss Uriel's laugh a lot now a days.

Michael's voice cuts through the chatter and brings their attention to the head of the table. Castiel puts his fork down and glances up at his savior. Michael is a ridiculously beautiful man. As if he actually has the grace of the Archangel. His eyes glow with purpose, light brown hair kept short but professional, and his broad shoulders rest in good posture in his chair. The white lab coat rests on the back of the chair. Seeing it always makes Castiel think how funny it was that Michael had no interest in his 'children' calling him Doctor even if he was one of the top children's doctors in the area.

"Quiet down now." Michael's deep voice reaches the large table and quiet happens instantly. A large smile of white teeth beam at them. "Good morning family." A round of 'good mornings' makes its way forward and Castiel bows his head forward slightly when Michael makes eye contact with him.

"Today we have a new brother to include in our family. He will be here around lunch time so make sure you say hi." Castiel counts two seconds before Anna's hand flies into the air immediately. Which always amuses him further because it reminds him of Hermione Granger. Harry Potter is and will always be his favorite book series.

"Michael, what's his name? How old is he? Will he be staying long? Why is he here? What happened?" Anna ticks off her questions in one breath which earns a loud snort from his brother Samandriel. Sam is a quiet friend alongside Castiel but him and Gabriel get into pranks too easily for the boy to earn his trust entirely. He is always telling him he has too big a heart, and that it will be his downfall. Sam meant well at times but sometimes he brought the worse emotions out of Castiel. Michael shakes his head in matched amusement and brings his hands under his chin, elbows resting on the table.

"Anna, you know better..." He pauses to see five sets of curious eyes staring back at him, "...then to ask those questions at breakfast." Michael finishes lamely closing his eyes and reaches for his coffee.

It was known as an off hand rule that they wouldn't talk about each other's 'history' at the table. Anna tucks her bright red hair behind her ear in slight embarrassment but Castiel could still see the little rebel's mind of hers working on finding out the answers first. Anna was their trouble maker. She loved to challenge Michael's rules and even though she was 16 and should be a little more mature she still acted out. Castiel thinks its her bi-polar high that gets her in trouble but he is always there for her when she crashes down back to Earth. He likes Anna's soft spoken voice when she sits with him under the tree. She has been working in secret to get him to talk back by using meditation. He should know how but after the accident. His fingers touch the edge of the tie. The smell of syrup reaches his nose. His mother always did like making him pancakes. His father would slice up a banana and make a terrible looking smiley face on the them which he only did to earn a laugh from his only son.

"So have a great day. I won't be in the house much today but you know how to reach me." Castiel must have missed Michael's entire morning speech and it doesn't go unnoticed by Gabriel who nudges his shoulder lightly. The chairs are loud scraping against the floor as his family gets their day started. Michael stands and the black of his suit jacket swirls in the air as he pulls it on before he reaches for the lab coat.

"Hey you there Cassy?" Gabriel pauses mid last bite and fixes him with a worried look. Castiel can feel the tightness pulling in his chest. The bright blue tie resting around his neck feels heavy.

_"But Dad come on! We have to go to movies! You promised!" Castiel begs from the back right seat. His father fingers across his scruffy beard as if deep in thought._

_"And whys that little one?" He responses before turning on the engine drowning out the loud gasp from his son._

_"I am NOT little dad, oh my god, please don't say that anymore! I am twelve!" a deep blush runs up his neck so he leans forward to give a light punch on his father's shoulder. They share a laugh between them as they head to the movies._

_"Well, can I say you look mighty handsome tonight? or is that also too much?" his father's compliment catches his eye in the rear view mirror. They had decided to dress up for their little outing. Castiel in dark gray slacks and green button down. He pulls the silver tie loose around his neck which brings a chuckle from his dad._

_"No, you too dad." Was the only response he could think of but it was the truth. His dad looked very handsome with his dark black suit, white button down, and water blue tie. For the movies it was completely overdone, but they never had an excuse to dress up so date night together was when they did. The blue tie catches his eye in the mirror. It was his mother's favorite color._

_"What the…" his father's words are cut off when the car is illuminated in light. A loud force of crunched metal projects him to the right slamming his head into the window._

"Castiel." A warm hand rests on his shoulder. He can feel the weight of it but can't leave the blackness.

"Castiel, look at me." Michael's voice is demanding and when the dinning room comes back into focus its empty of his siblings. He turns his head to see Michael kneeling in front of him eyes filled with worry but patience. He leans into the touch on his shoulder so Michael moves it up to his face using his thumb to wipe the stray tears.

"It will get better, I promise." Michael says pulling the trembling boy into his arms. Castiel feels the tightness in his chest lessen slowly the longer Michael holds him. He glances over his shoulder and see's Benny holding a large cookie. He was wearing his trade mark suspenders and tight gray shirt. Dark jeans rolled up to his ankles so they wouldn't get wet if he went into the garden or greenhouse. The man never wore shoes but he was one of the coolest adults he has ever met. He makes a mean apple pie and likes to make campfires in the yard so they could make smores. His eyebrows go up in curiosity before the chef uses hand signals to show Castiel its for him. The smile is upon his lips before he can catch it but Michael feels it and pulls away.

"Maybe it should be a writing day Castiel?" Michael asks politely even if he knows its more of an order. He nods, wipes his eyes one more time, and signs 'thank you' to his guardian. Michael pets his head lovingly before leaving the room. Castiel sits there for a moment before his throat chokes up again. No more tears are falling but he still feels the lingering effects of his memory. Benny walks by and casually slides the fresh chocolate chip cookie into his hand. It brings out an instant smile before taking a tentative bite. Oh my god. It was still warm.

"Maybe it will be a cheeseburger kinda day today Castiel?" Benny's southern draw carries from the Kitchen in slight mocking tone of what Michael's order was. It is Castiel's favorite food next to these cookies and when Benny pops his head out he nods a yes earning him an "alright then son, cheese burgers for lunch it is."


	2. Part 2

_AN: Switched to Mature because of warnings below of self harm but it gets better loves Dean is here at the end! One more chapter after this will be up hopefully on Monday- also being beta'd but I wanted to get it up anyway then we will fix it. Comments are amazing and many hugs if you write one. ty!_

The chocolate taste lingers on his tongue as he retreats from the dining room. Castiel wonders back up upstairs to the massive bathroom hoping it was empty of his siblings. Its bright and all white which, you can learn the hard way, can wake you up instantly if you turn the lights on in the middle of the night. Twin sinks hug each other with dark cherry cabinets, decorative hand towels, and flat silver mirrors.

He turns the shower on to heat up as he finishes his brushing and strips out of his clothes. He rests the tie on the back of the door. Thanks to his late father, apparently growing a dark peach fuzz beard at puberty runs in the family. Its a routine he already hates. His hand moves into the shower to check the temperature. He loves the water steaming hot. It is the only place he can get away with hurting himself and sometimes just burning his skin is enough to sway the bad thoughts. He rolls his neck under the hot spray to escape his head-space for a fleeting moment. When all his focus is forced on the heat he can forget the last five years of his life.

Meg always finds out and scolds him every time even if she didn't know about the scars. Today its necessary after this morning attack and he knows she will hunt him down soon. He grabs the razor from the shelf and slides to the floor of the shower. The water feels colder down here and a shiver racks his body from the slight change in temperature. He shouldn't have worn the tie today but he knows that's not the only reason. Glancing through the steamed door and he draws a circle around the tie. The pancakes, the suit, the smell, the noise, the normalcy that settles on breakfast in this house combined into one trigger. He hates himself for it. Why couldn't he just get over it already. Why couldn't he eat pancakes without it ending in tears. This was his new family now. Has been for three years now.

The water drips down his face and into his eyes and he breathes in the smell of smoke.

_"Dad?" his voice is strained and it hurts to speak the one word. Blood drips from his head into his eyes and he tries to move his arm to wipe it but he's pinned by the front seat. A cough catches in his throat and the movement brings dots into his vision. _

_"Dad?" he tries again but the darkness is heavier now. Smoke trails around him to burn his nose. Is he dying? Was this what death felt like?_

The razor nicks his thumb but he can't even hiss from the pain. It brings out an anger he hasn't seen in awhile and he takes deep breaths to calm it down. Control was important here. If he lost it he would put himself in danger. Michael and Meg couldn't find out he did this still. It would earn him a one way ticket to the hospital again and he just couldn't bare it. He wouldn't make it if that happened. He rests the blade against his inner thigh and pulls down slowly drawing a little tear of blood that's quickly washed away with the spray. Forty five. Forty five faint scar lines he now has. No pain comes from the little wound and it brings back his anger. He slams his head back into the wall, shooting water in every direction. His eyes squeeze tight, his heart beat erratic.

_"We don't know who it was. They left them both there to die! The driver? No, he died on impact...yes the son is alive but...Dr. Michael please you can't save everyone. Yes sir...I'll draw up the papers. Ok sir..."_

_Castiel strains to hear the rest of the conversation but the beeping of the machine is so loud. A nurse runs in and grabs his arm to check his pulse. People are everywhere talking to him asking him questions. What's going on? Who are you? Where am I? Is his father ok?_

_He pushes one of the nurses away, eyes wide in panic. A soft prick slides into his left arm and a warmth fills his body..._

He looks down and sees the line of red on his left wrist. _No..._ he mouths soundlessly and covers it with his hand hoping he wasn't real. His eyes close while he pulls his knees up tight to his chest to rest his head down. He will be found out now. What will happen to him? He steps out of the shower and ties his towel tightly around his waist when there is a loud knock at the door. Shaking his hair out with his hands he cracks the door open to be met with Meg's piercing glare. Both hands on her hips, standing a 5' 2", and ready to pitch a fit, she is scary. Her unapproved look glances at his red body before she pushes him into the bathroom and shuts the door.

She tut's her tongue but keeps back any comment and hands him three pills to take in front of her. He takes them each with a sip of water while she writes some notes in his chart. That's the illusion of all this. This is not a real family, this is a place where he is expected to get better. Her gasp is dramatic but her grip is dangerous when she grabs his wrist.

"What have you done?" she whispers frantically showing him the new line. He knows what he did and he cringes at the thought of her finding the scars on his legs.

"I have to tell him Castiel, I have too," she palms her face and grabs a small bandage and cleans the wound.

"You can't do this boy you can't!" she is frantic now in her dressing and pain flashes across her face as she finishes. "You can't Castiel. There are better ways to deal with this, please. We love you alright?" He eyes reach his with a pointed stare and he nods obediently and glances at the floor. She weighs him and takes his temperature in silence before declaring 'he better be working on his school work today no matter what Dr. Michael said'. He nods again and heads over to his bedroom feeling the fresh scalding. His mother would have done the same thing. He deserved it.

The room is so close to his old room and he's thrown off for a moment upon entering it. Memories fresh in his mind he instinctively takes a deep breath to smell the soft cinnamon fragrance of his room. His mother always insisted on buying those plug in things. Michael buys them for him whenever he remembers to ask.

The carpet is his favorite part of his room next to the perfect view from the bed. It always hugs his feet and sometimes he stands on the floor wiggling his toes in it before starting his day. The walls are covered in a rich cream color but the intricate layering of white molding gives it character. A disused desk rests in the far corner next to a chest of drawers. His bed is full size, covered in green, and sits three feet from the window. The sun still pours in so he plops down on his stomach and soaks the warmth into his already hot skin.

_"Get up sleepy pants," she whispers into his left ear before a kiss touches his temple. "It's your Birthday! Don't you want to be a year older?" _

_"No...staying in bed forever Mom," he states as she slides in next to him. Her rich chocolate hair frames her face and she's so close he can count the freckles that cover her nose. "Can I be 10 forever mom?" _

_Her beautiful laugh rings in his ear. "Of course not my sweet boy why would you ask that?"_

_A tear fills his eye as he stares at her. The curve of her small nose to the accent of her cheekbones. He has her eyes, bright blue, like the sky. Her once healthy body no longer holds the warmth in color but she is still beautiful to him. She cuddles closer and nuzzles his face._

_"Why are you crying?" she asks wiping the tear that finally fell. He chokes back his sob and tries to keep his emotions in check. His mom wanted to celebrate his birthday today and he would give her that. Even if it was his last birthday with her._

"Hey Cassy, WHOA!" Gabriel stands in the doorway covering his eyes as if they were burned out of his head. "Kid, you gotta put some clothes on before laying like that. I could have been Anna! You don't want her seeing your hairy legs and bare back like that!" Castiel eyes his friends' displeasure and rolls off to pull on boxers and jeans. He can feel Gabriel's glare on his new bandage but doesn't comment.

"Where do you want to do school work today?" Gabriel inquires instead while he searches for a plain gray Henley among the messy drawer. Castiel shrugs in response which is his go to answer most of the time.

"Library it is my friend," Gabriel declares and marches, book bag in hand, towards the steps. His mothers touch still lingers on his face. He closes his eyes to see her but the soft ache in on his arm keeps her away.

Its past noon now and the sun rests happy in the sky warming the crisp October air. Benny had wrapped up his cheeseburger along with the rest of his lunch and had it ready for him under the willow tree. It is really thoughtful of him and Castiel wants to feel thankful but he hates that the reason for the special treatment is because of his morning tears.

The lazy breeze tries to push the long branches about but only ends up making a soft rustling noise in the yard. It calms his heightened nerves. The rest of his siblings are staying far away from him today. Except Gabriel, but he is in special treatments and tutoring after eleven so he won't see him either until later. That usually happens after he freaks out and he wishes it would have happened in his bedroom so his adopted family wouldn't walk on eggshells around him.

The cheeseburger is perfection. Exactly how he likes it medium rare, one slice of cheddar cheese, pickles, and crispy lettuce all wrapped in a warm buttery bun. Michael had asked him to work on his writing today so he grabs his journal from the bag.

_"Castiel, writing is important in understanding your triggers and what the real reason is behind them," Michael sits on a large chair by the fireplace. Castiel's back is to him and the heat of the fire brings a sweat to his skin._

_"I know you feel like you lost everything but you have an amazing life ahead of you. We are here and will always be here for you." Michael slides onto the floor next to the young boy and hands him a black leather bound journal. He reaches into his lap coat and pulls out a large shiny black pen._

_"This was my brother Lucifer's," he pauses and clears his throat as Castiel stares wide eyed at the gift. "He was a good man, a little lost, but he didn't deserve to have his life taken from him so soon either. If only I had extended help and took his side maybe my actions would have stopped him from leaving the house that night. Maybe then, he would have still been around." Castiel accepts the journal and rolls the pen in his fingers. Its large in his small hands and black as an onyx. On the side of it says, 'Morning Star' in perfect cursive._

_ "I want you write in this journal whenever you feel sad, happy, anxious, or angry. Anytime you need to talk about something you write it in here. I will never ask to read it and you shouldn't share it with anyone unless you want too. This is for you. Use it to help you find your voice," Michael pats his shoulder and gets up to leave him by the fire. The house is quiet so he opens to the first page and writes._

_Castiel Novak, I am twelve, lost my father three weeks ago. It hurts._

The journal is nearly full and he flips the pages of his handwriting until he gets to the final five pages. Would he get his voice back if he fills this book? A loud girly squeal pierces the silence of the outdoors before he starts writing about the morning. Anna was so annoying sometimes. He itches the bandage on his arm out of irritation. Michael was due back around five and Castiel would find out what will happen to him then. He closes his eyes and sends a wordless prayer for redemption. Barely a second passes before a whirl of a brown leather jacket and muddy boots jumps over his legs and cheerfully sits next to him.

"Hey what's up?" the boy says as a welcome which puts Castiel completely out of his element, and his mouth finds its way open in mild shock. This must be the new kid. His dark blonde hair, bright green eyes, and freckles. God there are freckles all over his face. The boy leans in and closes his jaw shut with a coarse finger.

"You're funny. What's your name? I'm Dean," he stretches his hand out and Castiel finds moving his hand suddenly difficult. He always has an easy time meeting the new kids but something is strange with this boy. He's older, maybe seventeen, but there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him. Why was he here? He is really pretty.

Dean takes notice to the lack of answer and shrugs his shoulders to it before he lays back on the tree. His arm rests along Castiel's and he finds his heartbeat fluttering into a mild panic. He taps the boys arm and signs his name but Dean looks back bewildered.

"Dude, I did not get any of that…" he pauses in mild concern, "Shit, can you not hear me?" Castiel shakes his head and decides to write in his journal page his name and that he can't talk. Understanding dawns on Dean's face and he smirks at the journal.

"Well hell, is that why you're all alone under this crazy tree? Do I need to beat up on people already for abandoning you?" His fists are drawn and he mock punches his hands together but there is mischief in his eyes. Castiel is so confused. What is he talking about? He frantically shakes his head and writes

'_No! I am just usually by myself that's all. Please don't hit anyone._'

Dean cracks up laughing which brightens his entire face further and it draws a small smile out of Castiel. What is his problem? He is so flustered at the moment with this new person is throwing this mind into a haze. He glances down at the last part of his writing and realizes how much of the distraction this new friend was. Dean's voice comes out muffled as he lays on his left side, hand pressed into his face.

"Dude, I am totally calling you Cas," Dean states like it was the best thing on Earth he could do for him. "There, you already have a nickname from yours truly," he says with a point to his face. Cas shrugs his shoulders to the nickname, its better then Cassy, which is what Gabriel insists on calling him and has since day one.

Dean sighs and leans further on his hand to look at Castiel's face, "Your name is so weird man, well not weird as in bad, but different ya know?"

Cas fixes him with a mild eye roll and shakes his head in amusement. It's Dean who's weird. Who randomly gives out nicknames to people he doesn't even know? He writes down just that for him to read and earns him a mighty laugh from the tall man.

"Alright you win Cas, we can both be weird together then."

He's reminded of how Gabriel and him became instant friends and senses the same calmness with Dean. There is a deep unknown flowing from him though and Cas can't put his finger on it. The reason everyone usually flocks around him, on a good day, is because he always seems to know what they need. It could have been from his heightened senses from being mute, he's not sure. Dean is almost completely unreadable and it makes him uneasy. Either something really terrible happened to the boy or he hasn't come face to face with his demons yet.

Dean rolls onto his back and stares up into the tree to let Cas get back to work. He hums a tune softly but Cas recognizes the ACDC song while he writes and taps the beat on his thigh. A sudden spring of movement and Dean gets into the guitar part to air guitar the solo. The action brings Castiel completely out of writing. He sets his journal down to watch him sing and dance to the song in his head.

This guy really is weird. When he's done Cas slow claps but holds his eyes are laughing as Dean smiles brightly at him and winks his way. The warmth of a blush kisses his ears and he wills it way before Dean see's. Why was he acting like this! He couldn't have a crush on the boy already.

Dean see's the flush of red but doesn't comment and instead plops down next to Cas and throws his arm over his shoulder.

"Cas, I'm bored. Let's do something," He leans over to close the journal which puts his cheek almost against Cas's, "and so far you're the only person I like here so its on you to keep me entertained." The words breathe on his face and he forces himself to mouth _what_ with an eyebrow raised as he gently removes the boys arm from his shoulder before he passes out from the closeness. Dean laughs and throws his hands in the air.

"I don't know man, I am bored. What do you even do in the huge house? There has to be some kind of monsters in that basement, lets explore!" he jumps up and grabs Cas's bag and starts to pick up his stuff to pack everything up. Cas just lays back and closes his eyes. He feels slightly overwhelmed by Dean's presence. His soul is too bright to look at. Why did he have to have those pretty green eyes, and boyish grin, and those strong worn hands.

A foot nudges his side and he opens his eyes to see the boy's smirk staring down on him. His hand is offered so Cas grabs but ends up standing right in the his personal space. He mouths a _sorry_ and steps back but Dean grabs his hand and squeezes it with a playful grin before he walks away, Cas's bag rested on his shoulder.

He is so weird and he is totally screwed.


	3. Part 3

Castiel grabs Dean's shoulder as they descend into the dark basement. He is very familiar with this part of the house because of his secret gym down in the back corner but he doesn't want to spoil Dean's fun. The boy jumps at his contact and turns to give him a playful glare which Cas returns with a huge grin.

"Not a word Angel," Dean threatens while Cas tugs on his jacket to lead him to his spot in the corner. It's not much but it has a large mat covering the majority of the floor, a punching bag hangs from the exposed ceiling beams, worn and cracked from use. A few random dumbbells litter the floor against the wall and Castiel takes the moment to let Dean view his space.

"You fight?" Dean asks Cas turning to punch the bag lightly. Cas just nods and pulls out the blade from his ankle brace to show him his weapon of choice. Its small but sharp and Dean eyes the blade before reaching behind his back and pulls out his own. They share a nod at the similarity and Dean pats his shoulder in companionship and wanders over to a pile of boxes, flashlight held high. Cas turns to see his darkened room. He glances down at his bloody hands.

_Blood drips into his lap as he stares at his exposed chest. He rolls the liquid between his fingers and leans back against the window to draws a circle on his chest in bright red. Balthazar had shown him a symbol to expel Angels today, it seemed fitting to draw at the moment. Maybe it would shoot him out the window? Meg's scream is frantic and hands grab at him but Cas can't hear her._

Castiel catches Dean's movements and mirrors his footsteps quickly, to get away from the red on his hands. His own flashlight held to his side as they go through a couple boxes. They find a box full of stone artifacts broken into a few pieces and they laughs as Dean comments, "These really must not be very valuable if they are left broken in a box hidden in a basement." Cas agrees since Michael seems to have a mild problem with collecting random stuff as they find a box full of goblets and baby dolls a few seconds after. Cas wonders what would have been found in his parents basement. They had lived there all his life and he is sure they would have found many treasures. His father had a terrible addiction to reading and writing so he could imagine finding piles of old literature tucked away. He fingers his wrist bandage with a furrowed brow.

_"Castiel do you want to go back to the hospital?" Michael paces back and forth in his office. "I can't keep you here if you keep threatening your life!" Michael screams for the first time ever and throws his clipboard across the room. "What is going on? First I find you half dead in an alleyway after you start a fight with Crowley, today I find out you are cutting yourself by Meg?" Michael grips his head and plops backwards into his chair._

_Cas sits in the corner staring at his guardian. He really doesn't want to leave here yet. Once he is ready..._

Dean charges up to him wearing a werewolf mask, a deep growl in his throat, catches Cas in surprise. The flashlight tumbles out of his hand and he uses his speed to slam Dean into an arm lock on the floor. Dean hollers in surprise but twists his bigger body to get the upper hand and rolls them over to pin Cas's hands above his head. He reaches back with one hand to pull the mask off while his other hand holds Cas's wrists. Dean's thumb presses into Cas's new wound but he holds his grimace in hope that Dean doesn't see it or notice it.

_"You did this!?" the British man yells in his face, the smell of strong liquor burns his eyes, while he points to the man on the ground holding his bloody arm. He nods scared, not able to speak, the man dressed in the impeccable suit tuts his tongue._

_"You speak to me boy!" Cas's hands tremble, still bloody, and holding the knife from the fight but manages to shake his head no. A loud laugh echoes in the alleyway. "No? Well, well, well, you are full of surprises aren't we, young too, how old are you boy, fourteen? fifteen? What do you want with the King of Hell?"_

"You are fricken full of surprises Cas," Dean manages to say after he throws the mask in his hands across the room. "I am never taken down easily." Cas blinks back into focus and Dean remains sitting on him using his full weight to pin him down further. He can kinda see his face in the darkness.

_"Leave him! He has learned his lesson trying to make a piss poor deal. Call Michael, let him know where his little broken birdie is," Crowley cackles and walks away. The man's weight on him shifts and he pets his face in mockery. "Next time I will kill you pet, even if I know, it was what you really wanted today. You are a coward, and I won't make it pretty, and it won't be quick. It will feel like I am plucking a feather out of each wing over and over until you more then beg. DON'T!" the man screams in his face, "let me see you again," and a large hand pushes his face into the pavement. _

Dean clears his throat awkwardly and jumps off of Cas to retrieve the flashlight before Cas can make out his expression. He continues to lay on the floor where he wishes he could tell Dean about his haunting memories. Dean would listen, if he could just make the words happen, but instead Dean walks slowly towards another pile of old boxes to open and root through unknown of the onslaught of memories plaguing his new friend.

_He loves this tree, its his personal heaven, his garden._

Cas rolls over and wonder's back to the small pile of mats. The lights are still off so they don't draw attention, Dean's flashlight beam flickers around in each box while he hunts for, what, Cas doesn't know. He rests his back against the wall and watches the new boy. Tall already, built lean arms. Cas likes his hands the most, strong, slightly coarse from use, actually he is so much Cas's type it brings a little panic to his chest. Between the green eyes and his smile he realizes Dean could have suggested taking on the devil himself and Cas would have gladly marched into battle with him without a second thought.

It was another memory he cherishes from his father. He was so scared to tell him that he was finding guys more attractive than girls but his father just hugged him and said_, 'son, I just want you happy…..'_

"Cas?" Dean's voice reaches out a few feet in front of him and a set of hands touch his knees. He raises his head that was buried in his hands, his heart is racing but Dean's green eyes make their way into his view. Today is it. He can feel it building, his mind not able to tell what is real and what is memory. Green eyes anchor him down further and he nods forward feeling drugged.

"You alright man?" Dean almost whispers as if he spoke any louder Cas would scurry away. Castiel nods but remains curled in on himself. Would his father like Dean? Dean with the pretty eyes, deep laugh lines even at his young age. Dean whom he may have a crush on already even though its only been a few hours of knowing him. The cold basement settles into his bones and he lets out a shiver. His father is such an incredible man. No...his father was...

_"Father…" Castiel whispers as he walks into the room. "Daddy…" Castiel asks the silent room again. He reaches out and pulls the white sheet back to see his father beneath, quiet and un-moving. He rests his palm on his cold cheek. The nursing staff had cleaned him up but the soulless corpse in front of him was lifeless, gray, and stiff. This was not his father anymore._

_His head pounds against his skull and he wills the white dots away so he can spend another moment with his father's body. How could this happen? Why?_

_He slides down to rest his knees on the floor and tucks himself forward to rest his forehead on his knees. Shakes rake through his arms before a sob reaches his throat._

"Castiel? Buddy?" Dean shakes him back to reality. His head rests between his knees and his face is damp with tears. His right hand scratches at his cut to stop the memory but its short lived as his fathers body rests peacefully behind his friends head. He stares past Dean eyes unfocused.

_"No...no..no...daddy," Cas cries softly curling into himself further. Two sets of hands grab his upper body, eyes bolt open, panic settles in his heart, 'no please not yet, don't take him!' Cas fights every limb, one of his punches makes contact, and a yell for help comes immediately after. The pain in his chest takes over and its released in one terrible scream. They let go of him and stumble back as if the scream blew through their ear drums._

Dean grabs his ears in pain and watches as Cas stands in front of him gripping his head, eyes squeezed tight. The punch Cas landed on his stomach makes him feel sick but the fact Cas is screaming scares him more. He thought he couldn't talk, he shouldn't be able to scream. What is he seeing? He reaches out and touches his arm and Cas grabs it and hits him with another punch to the side of his face.

_Pain racks his hand and he glances down at the bloody man in the alleyway. The scream catches in his chest and he tries to take in a deep breath but it won't release. Crowley's laugh echos off the walls as he sends four men, eyes black as night, to chase him down, he trips, and falls over his father's corpse. No. No no no no….He is alone now. He can't be saved. No more mother. No more father. No family….He can't be alone. He can't do this anymore. He just wants to see his family again. _

_There is a nurse in his face again. Her bright green eyes yelling something to him or someone else but all he sees is his father. Smiling back. His mother slamming his birthday cake in his face. Fingering the bright blue tie. Telling him he loves him. Dressing up on date night and then everything falls out of focus. Blackness fills the space and moves inward and he is falling._

Dean is scared. Truly scared for his friend as he carries him bridal style up the stairs. He isn't sure what happened but one minute he thought they were having fun and the next his friend is staring ahead seeing something terrible clear as day. No matter what he did he couldn't get the boy to breathe after the scream caught in his chest and he fell forward onto the floor unconscious before Dean could register it was happening.

"Meg! Someone! Please!" Dean hollers through the hallway, running as fast as he can to the dining room hoping the chef is in the kitchen. Benny barrels out of the swinging door to his side covered in flour.

"What happened?! Who was screaming?!" he yells while grabbing Castiel from Dean's grip to help him settle Cas on the floor. He points to the kitchen. "Go grab a towel and a bowl of cold water!" Dean stares wide eyed and scared back at the scruffy man. "NOW!" Benny barks out making him jump and he runs to the kitchen.

Meg jogs into the dining room phone in hand talking to Michael. She reaches down to check his pulse and sighs when she finds one and moves to his mouth to check his breathing.

"Michael! Cas is unconscious. Dean found him...I am not sure. He screamed Michael the entire house heard him," Meg turns when Dean has the water and towel for her and Benny reaches out to grab the supplies, and immediately presses the towel to his head. The cold water hits Castiel's senses and his eyes open up bringing out a scared gasp from the three.

"Cas?" Dean says carefully and reaches out to touch his hand. Cas sits up like a mummy awoken from a tomb and stares at Dean like he's not there. His arm reaches forward to touches the already swollen cheek of Dean, as if the motion could instantly heal his wounds. Meg is still on the phone with Michael and Dean can hear his frantic yells for her attention but her mouth is open in shock. Cas turns towards Benny who holds the wet dripping towel looking much the same.

Taking a deep breath, Cas goes to stand and it brings a round of protests but he doesn't hear them. Smiling brightly again he runs his fingers through his hair and without a seconds breath runs out the back door so fast the three would have thought he had wings.

The weather is really beautiful today. Sun still shining and now its so peaceful. Today is a good day. His strong legs already have him at his favorite tree. A good strong tree, full of life, tall and proud. The one branch is just low enough to grab onto and he pulls himself up onto it. Another and another branch and he is almost there to break the view and see all of God's beautiful work around Camp Michael.

People are screaming below but the birds. The birds are flying so high in the sky. He wishes he had wings, larger than life, dark ebony and shiny. He would fly all over the world and he wonders if the Angel of Thursday had black wings. His arms stretch out wide on either side of him. The breeze catches his arms and he can almost imagine himself in flight.

"Cas?" A strong touch on his forearm brings him to turn around to see a pair of green eyes and a freckled nose.

"Hello Dean," Cas says, voice hoarse from disuse, and turns back to look at the bright blue sky. Just like his mother's eyes. Her beautiful face ashen and gray, like his fathers.

"Cas, you just spoke," Dean says sounding a little shocked and his grip tightens on his forearm. It brings Cas's attention back to the handsome man and he grins widely.

"Yes, I figured it might return in this particular moment," Cas declares and shrugs his shoulders as he stands up to reach the last branch. Dean's grip tightens on his arm stopping the movement.

"Cas we gotta climb down man, its not going to be pretty if we fall," Dean says with a shaky voice and Cas laughs at the man's discomfort.

"Sounds to me like you are afraid of heights Dean," Cas points out and tries to pry the fingers from his arm. Dean nods and stares up at the blue eyes of his new friend.

"Please stop…" Dean barely whispers and the small plea pauses Cas's attempts. He looks at Dean who is slightly shaking in fear. Knuckles white in his left hand from grasping the branch under him so tight. With one more glance skyward he decides to settle on the second to last branch next to him. Dean takes in a deep breath but doesn't lessen his hold. Cas sees the swelling of his hit turning a rosy red on Dean's cheek but the older boy doesn't seem to care much about it.

"I hit you pretty good," Cas says as he leans forward to touch the red skin. Dean winces at the impact but shrugs his shoulders. "Nothing I can't handle Cas," Dean responses not making eye contact.

He takes in another breath to calm his nerves after Cas leans on the trunk of the huge tree, "I lost my brothers Sammy and Adam a few months ago. They...well kinda fell into a pit at a construction site we were playing at." Cas unconsciously reaches over and puts his free hand over the one still gripping his forearm. Dean pauses and Cas pulls Dean towards him to both settles on the thick branch but still balancing on his bottom without a worry about falling.

Dean continues with a smaller voice, "It was all my fought. I am always on the hunt, trying to find new things to explore...to challenge us. They had an amazing future you know, and I…" Dean stops when a tear trails down his cheek. "...and the first thing I do with you is go on a hunt and look where we are…" Cas stares at his new friend with wide eyes. He understand him now. Only a few hours of knowing him he can understand the pain and guilt he is dealing with. His hand rubs the back of Dean's tightly gripped hand and he shakes his head.

"I understand Dean, I lost my mother and father in the span of two years and…" Dean turns to face him, eyes watery from unshed tears, "and I am still not over it. I wish everyday that I had just died in that accident so I wouldn't have to deal with this pain."

Dean's face turns frightful, "Cas…" he starts but Cas cuts him off, "Dean, I can't do this anymore. I'm tired." Dean breathes in and lets out a shaky breath. His eyes close as if he is in prayer and Cas pauses in his explanation, with a slight tilt of his head, to take it in. Dean's words break the moment's silence, "Cas, do you know why Michael brought me here?"

Castiel shakes his head and Dean leans over to rest his against his shoulder. "You know that painting downstairs? The one of you?" This brings a little chuckle from Cas and he nods against Dean's face. "Well, Michael told me if anyone could save me it would be you. He said I deserved to be saved."

Cas's body stiffens as he thinks of the painting. Michael thought Dean was the Righteous Man? How could he save him? He was just as broken. Cas finally loosens the grip on his forearm and moves it to grasp his hand. Dean leans heavier on his shoulder and Cas rests his head against his as they both sink into their own world fully aware at how high they are and how close they are together. He glances down to see Michael, Meg, and actually, his entire family starring up. They are so far down he can barely make out their eyes.

"Cas?" Dean whispers, eyes still closed tight.

"Yes Dean," Cas whispers back breathing in time with Dean in his arms.

"Are we going to jump? Are you up here to fall?" he asks quietly. Cas just nods and he can feel a tear hit his arm. Dean's hand pulls out of his and slides up to his bandage. "Have you wanted to be with your family that bad Cas?" he mumbles.

The soft circles Dean rubs on his fresh wound brings out another nod from the Angel. Dean stops the movement and lifts his head from his shoulder.

"I know we met only a few hours ago, but Cas, I need you...to help me, and maybe you need me too?" Dean asks eyes darting away from Cas's blue ones and his hand falls down to grip the tree branch tighter. Finally free, Cas takes the moment to stand up, arms reaching to grab the last branch.

"I don't know Dean, maybe? Are you in hell right now?" Cas asks both hands on the branch above tight while Dean nods in response. "Well then I guess as the Angel of Thursday it would be my job to grip you tight and save you from hell." He swings his feet out and hangs from the branch earning a chorus of yells from his family below.

Dean grabs his legs and plants them back on the branch he's resting on. "Don't do that!" He yells, "sit down please Cas, I can't do this, please, I don't want you to die." He begs with pleading eyes, his grip, tight on one of his ankles. Cas slides back down to the branch which earns him a sigh of relief but the demand settles on his mind. They sit in companionable silence again for a few minutes before he slams his head back against the tree trunk.

"Dean…" he manages to choke out.

_"Castiel you have an amazing journey ahead of you son," his mother's wilted hand rests weightless in his palm. He leans forward to kiss her cheek. "Mom..please don't leave me," he begs out between tears. "I need you still. I can't be this person you say I will be."_

_His mother laughs out weakly and her eyes close. "Mom?" he whispers and her eyes open a fraction and a smile twitches on her lips._

_"My boy, you will find purpose. You will know it when you…." she takes a small breath and his father rests his hand over Castiel's._

Cas's eyes open slowly to view Dean in front of him. This boy has only known him for three hours. He knows nothing of his pain, of the memories that plague him daily, or how tired he is.

"Dean, I am very tired," he admits out loud again, palms his face, and tugs slightly at his hair. "I, see, my family die everyday, and.." His blue eyes glance up at the sky again and he can feel Dean's breath catching in his throat.

"Cas, if you jump, I jump...I...don't want to but you are all I have to help me...I...am not sure I can watch you do this knowing that we share the same grief that it will end the same way for me weather I do it with you or not. If you do it..." Dean's voice gets caught in his throat as tears fall and Cas reaches out to grab his hand again.

"You do not have to do this with me Dean," he reassures him. Soft circles sweep around in his palm by the pad of Dean's thumb. Silence surrounds them again but Dean shakes his head to stop it from happening.

"Tell me what's in your journal before you...you know," Dean says sliding a little closer to the trunk near Cas to rest his feet on another slightly lower branch to steady himself. He thinks about the question and shrugs.

"Mostly the same stuff I guess. My mother's slow death and my father's abrupt one, moments I spent with them that I wouldn't want to forget. Things I saw that reminded me of little details, like her hair color, or his laugh. Mostly just them Dean." Cas answers honestly as he scratches his head feeling exposed.

Dean takes in the answer and stares at Cas through his damp lashes. "Maybe I should listen to Michael and start writing too? Did it help at all?" Dean asks honestly and Cas shrugs not really sure how to answer. "I miss them so much Cas. I am good at hiding it, I really am, by joking around, acting the manly part, but its not how I feel. It hurts. Everywhere."

The line hits close to home to Cas. He understands the feeling and a stab of guilt cuts into his chest at the thought of him going through it alone. He squeezes his hand and Dean turns to stare sadly at him.

"Alright Dean," he says and leans forward to press a chastised kiss against Dean's chapped lips. "We will be in this together." The blonde man pauses a little embarrassed from the kiss but nods slightly with a shocked look on his face not sure what that means. Cas jumps up, grabs the top branch, and pulls his legs up around it to reach the top. The view is as beautiful as he imagined and his arms stretch out again to catch the breeze in the air. The smaller swaying branches move around him but the larger branch holds strong. He takes in a deep breath and glances one more time to the sky to send his last prayer.

"Mother...father. I miss you both so much." He pauses and closes his eyes. "but I can't do this back and forth anymore. Reliving this nightmare every day for the last three to four years….has been hard for me and I want to try to move on now. I think I may be ready?" He glances down at Dean who's face is frightful but frozen. He can hear shouts from below but the wind carries them away. "I will try to help Dean the best I can, I promise father to follow in your footsteps and be a good man. Mom, Ill will find purpose, I promise, I will work harder to not join you so soon, just...help me let go. Help me to move on." He thinks of what Dean is going through losing two brothers. "Sam? Adam? give your brother strength too, he will need it, and well, say hi to my family if you run into them I guess." He finishes crossing his body and takes a breath of the clean air.

He wipes the last of his fallen tears but smiles to himself. He can do this. A weight leaves his shoulders as he sends a silent _thank you_. He looks down to notice a head frantically climbing up towards them.

"Gabriel, stop we are coming down," Cas yells down to his blonde friend. Gabe stares back wide eyed at hearing his voice. He could get use to yelling at his friend, he does have a lot of catching up to do in that department. He watches as Gabe jumps back down next to Michael who's smile he can see from this height. Cas wonders if Michael knew Dean would save him, if Dean would stop him from jumping. Michael must have known how bad he was getting, that in finding his voice may have ended in his death or his redemption. He glances back at the slightly pale Dean and finally notices the fear of heights eating at him.

"Come on Dean," he says and spins to kneel down on the branch. Dean stares back up at him a mixture of amazement and fear that Cas was going to jump from up there. Cas hops down the branch and reaches a hand out to him. "Dean, you and me right?" he says and Dean nods before grabbing his hand to start his descent after Castiel.

Before his feet can hit the ground Benny grabs his legs to pull him the rest of the way where he is promptly attacked by Gabriel who attaches onto Cas squeezing him as tight as he can.

"Brother, don't ever do that again," his words are muffled from his face buried in his shoulder. Cas chuckles and pulls him away before he is surrounded by Anna, Samandriel , and even Balthazar all slammed into a big Angel sandwich.

"I won't, ever, I promise," Castiel says eyeing Michael over Anna's shoulder. All his siblings have unshed tears and he glances at Meg who hides her face into Michael as a happy sob is released. He hears Dean's landing to the right of him and Cas turns to see the smallest of color return to his cheeks. Michael leans over the pile and grabs his arm bringing his attention back to his guardian. Meg turns and grabs his cheek in her hands lovingly while Michael speaks.

"Castiel, we will need to talk about this in detail," he starts, "but later. You frightened your family but I am thrilled you found your voice son. We knew how this could have ended and I am proud of you." His face glows in the mixture of being scared and proud and Cas feels a tightness of regret that he put his adoptive family through this. Dean clears his throat and Cas turns to his savior in time to see Dean blush faintly. That small kiss was worth the little embarrassment from the older boy. His eyes dart to his lips then back to forced eye contact. Yes...the blush returns to his cheeks which brings out an enormous smile on Cas's face. This was completely the right choice, he can live just to see that the reaction on that handsome freckled face. Benny's loud voice breaks the reunion.

"I made apple pies for later but I think we could all use a pie break, who's in?"

Everyone, Michael included, nods in agreement while they all wipe their faces and try not to think about what could have happened. Gabe puts his arm around Castiel's shoulders and smiled widely when Cas reaches for Dean's hand. Anna jumps on Samandrial's back to the right of Dean and Balthazar hooks his arm through Gabriel free arm. Meg lets go of Michael and wraps her arm around Benny's waist as they head back towards the house. Michael chooses to stays back for a moment to watch his retreating family.

He turns around to the willow tree and looks up. "Father," he whispers ahead, "thank you for sending Dean in time." He smiles to himself and runs his hand through the low branches. It was still a long battle ahead of them but he was certain they had averted the worst of the storm well….at least for Castiel. They may all be cursed but they had each other and they were stronger together when fighting their demons.

The End-

a/n I am on tumblr! Please follow me :) destiel/spn blog :D


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